“What can you do about the Bidenites next door?”

This is a parody rewrite of the Los Angeles Times article “What can you do about the Trumpites next door?” by Virginia Heffernan, 52, who really, really, really believes what she wrote.

Oh, no. The Bidenites next door to me are as devoted to Sleepy Creepy Uncle China Joe as you can get without being full-fledged members of the Illuminati. They had multiple signs up in their kitchen window for all the neighbors to see with BIDEN and HARRIS all over them during the big election and one sign each for the two slick candidates in the U.S. Senate run-off in Georgia who unseated whazztheirnames — you know who I mean? The tall blonde lady and the old gray-haired guy?

Anyway, to prove just how committed to the Communist/Socialist way of thinking my neighbors are, even during The Time of the Covid, just last month they allowed me to helpfully rake leaves from their half of our mutually-shared yard and they never even said thank you or offered to help.

Now, tell me? How am I going to surrender to their demands for socialist solidarity in the face of this act of sanctimoniousness virtue?

Of course, on some level, they realize I owe them thanks. After all, I got to practice my raking skills assuring job security and therefore probably won’t need to #learntocode. I mean, unlike coal that must be carefully sought out from dark and dangerous areas under the ground, leaves simply fall in plain sight with no effort at all. But how much thanks do they expect from me and how much must I give?

Why, I’m surprised they haven’t already contacted the Board of the HOA to demand more raking of their yard and washing of their windows and pressure washing of their walkway to show just how grateful I am for their largesse.

These two people next door to me, committed opponents of all lives, seriously take their obligation as good little Socialist Democrat Liberals to apologize for their skin color by never speaking to anyone in our exceedingly diverse neighborhood. Why, we have folks here who are old and young, black and brown and white and yellow and red and variegated, with children and without, single and married and happily divorced, gay and straight and asexual and crossdressers, mentally ill and those who claim they aren’t, the not-so-smart but can hold a job and the genius recluses, and OCD hoarders and minimalists; all made up of five native Georgians and plenty of other folks from all over the nation and the world.

You see, here in our fair city — we are smack-dab in the city, we don’t live in “the country” — people often help their neighbors for no good reason other than it just needs doing. Why, I myself, in the middle of a storm, dragged an extension ladder to my elderly neighbor’s, climbed to the roof, and put a large blue tarp over a hole a fallen branch had made, securing that tarp with large bricks and rocks handed to me by two other neighbors who rushed from their domiciles, all so his place would not flood and cause more damage he couldn’t afford to repair.

But these two non-raking Bidenites next door to me just plain will not pitch in and help with anything. It’s like they don’t understand the concept of being neighborly.

Maybe they think it’s like what the people stuck in autonomous zones feel upon the discovery about the Democrats in their state and local governments. That, just like the Mafia does, they may be helpful on some things for free, but the piper demands payment later or else, right?

What better way to win loyalty, offer protection, and provide hospitality? The Democratic Communist Party of America (DCPA) act like they give things away for free, but do they? The favors DCPA does for the people in cities such as Boston, Portland, Chicago, Los Angeles, and many others — including those from other countries they are asking, nay, begging, to wait to jump the border wall while wearing a Bidenite T-shirt — probably don’t yet involve rakes, but, like other criminal gangs, the DCPA tends to its own — the enlightened, the minions, and the well-fed.

DCPA Bidenites demand devotion to their ruthless and insensitive us-versus-anti-regular-people pogram. Some of them are approved and get favors; the rest are deplorable, neanderthal nothings who exist solely as a tax base to be exploited.

The same is true with Nancy Pelosi, who currently helms the House. She’s just a little screwy but unfailingly magnanimous and often comes up with cute little sayings that make her giggle, like “Open Biden” and “Shut down hair salons for thee but not for me” and “If Trump is in power the sky will fall” and “Visit Chinatown! Trump is wrong about where the virus.”

But Bidenites have a problem. Look, when someone does something nice for you just because they want to, it’s gets harder to maintain the DCPA operating cell in your neighborhood. They are told to not get overwhelmed with gratitude so as not be become convinced of helpful neighbor’s inherent goodness, but those normal and nice neighbors just keep on being nice. Damn them!

It is an evil trick these normal people do.

Otherwise, DCPA leaders say, you might just end up like that lady that lives next door to you, raking somebody else’s yard. You should want to be like the leaders of the DCPA: Wary. Distrustful. And high-classily superior to our oh-so-polite Stazi-Nazi neighbors pretending to be small business owners, waitstaff, doctors, grocery baggers, and so forth.

One must maintain a certain level of acceptance until the revolution is complete. So my neighbors accepted my helpful generosity as the patient DCPA members they are — and as is their rightful due as future ruling-class members.

Watching out their kitchen window for an entire two hours as I raked their yard and even picked up heavy, dead magnolia blossom seeds and downed limbs, then hauled bags of same to the curb, they never once waved, said thank you, smiled, or in any other fashion acknowledged my kindness by, say, bringing over a plate of house-made cookies or putting in my mailbox a handmade, artistically-rendered, one-of-a-kind thank you card that one day might be worth a million dollars to my heirs.

If they had done so, they would’ve then sealed their fate as a fellow polite neighbor destined and doomed to forever be a slave class and that just would not do, doncha know. Hating your neighbor, and identifying future yard workers, is evidently much easier when your neighborhood is full of people that don’t act like you.

What do we do about the Bidenites around us? We do as Senator Josh Hawley (R-MI) did. We say to them that we are not going away. That we will continue to be nice to everyone. But we also say to them this:

Do not mistake this smile for anything but strength to protect and defend that which is Right, Just, and Beneficial.

My Bidenite neighbors support a man and his team who show murderous contempt for the majority of Americans including my Bidenite neighbors, though they not yet know it. They put him in office with their reckless, selfish, feel-goodism that will earn them a rake of their own and no pair of yard gloves in sight. Poor them, because they will be so surprised when the DCPA makes them rake the yards of the ruling elite at the loud end of a pew-pew stick.

On Jan. 6, after the riot in D.C. Bidenites refer to as The Insurrection, Sen. Ben Sasse (R-Neb.) said, “You can’t hate someone who shovels your driveway.” He’s wrong because yes, yes, Bidenites can and they do.

You would think that, at the time of the raking and the not getting any thanks, that I seethed. Wrong! Instead, seething fairly oozing out of their pores, my Bidenite neighbors are furious that I have not raked their yard again and it isn’t quite time for them to get to order me to do it.

That simply shows the depth of their fear of normal, polite, neighborly people. You see, if they really thought we were nothings, their response to me would’ve been, for now, politely, but not profusely, acknowledging the Sassian move.

Now, I know they are not yet ready to knock on my door with a “covered dish o’ thanks”.

And I know they can’t give me absolution for being nice as they must first get permission from the Department of Social Justice Warriors to do that and we all know that won’t happen. To them, freely given yardwork, as nice as it is, is just not the same currency as they deal in: Forced Labor, Approved Fact Checking, and Cancellation Of Those Who Do Not Bow.

How to remedy the situation? I know what I can do: Offer them a standing invitation for me to make amends for not being a Bidenite and DCPA supporter. That’s right —

I shouldn’t rake their yard again unless they order me to (or their legs are broken and they can’t walk and raking just needs to be done).

By recognizing the truth about Bidenites and the administration they support and, more importantly, by working for justice for all those whom the administration has harmed, are harming, and will harm, only when we “rake shoulder to shoulder” will we even begin to dig out of this storm.

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Born and raised in Georgia, Angela K. Durden is an author, publisher, editor, songwriter, performer, and more, living in the Metro Atlanta, Georgia, area. Support your Citizen Journalist and visit herConsolidated Author Page and buy a book.See more about Angela here. Want to watch a fun video?Click here.