How to be a Special Rapporteur for the U.N. General Assembly

A Special Rapporteur is a person charged with investigating and reporting on various situations in whatever country the United Nations asks. Even I, The Most Brilliant Woman In The World[1], do not know everything which, of course, makes me even more brilliant since I know my limitations and deficiencies and seek to make them not so limiting or deficient.

That is why when I heard of the Report of the Special Rapporteur on extreme poverty and human rights on his mission to the United States of America[2], I was intrigued. When I saw the title I made a little bet with myself.  “Me,” said I, “what do you want to bet Mr. Alston will trash the U.S. and make its citizens out to be racist and uncaring, all blacks to be helpless, and the country itself simply, simply awfully terrible?”

“Oh, Dear I,” said I to Me, “we should take that bet because we will win.”

We did bet, and we did win. Here’s the details. From their website[3]:

“The mission of the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD) is to promote policies that will improve the economic and social well-being of people around the world. The OECD provides a forum in which governments can work together to share experiences and seek solutions to common problems.”

Wow, sounds awesome. But upon reading the report of Mr. Alston to the U.N., I quickly found out Mr. Alston seems to be a Socialist and the U.N., beyond any doubt, has an agenda of which he is aware and fashioned his report to meet their expectations.  Mr. Alston is very good at identifying “signaling”[4] because he is a very properly learned man[5] who graduated from various institutions of higher learning.

One after the other, paragraph upon paragraph upon beautifully notated paragraph, the 20-page report held 117 mice-type footers filled with cross-references piling broad indictment upon generalized denunciation of two things: The United States in general, and President Donald Trump[6] in particular.

It is not the intention of this essay to provide a detailed accounting of all the ills the Special Rapporteur reported as systemic and insidious, but rather to make certain comments as to why he is so wrong in general.

You see, Mr. Alston’s paragraphs and cited footnotes were full of the same sorts of comments we’ve been hearing from Pussy-Hat Wearing Politically Correct Liberal Democratic RINO Socialist Fascist Commies in this and other countries since before the Cold War began, namely, The Lazy Rich are evil, the Working Class is always screwed over, Capitalism is immoral, The Poor are ignored by a Government built to serve the Ruling Elite (of which The Donald[7] is the head cheerleader these days), and only Caring Socialists and Communists have the solution.

The thing is, Mr. Alston reads a certain meaning into supplied statistics, but it is obvious he’s never lived a life of want or need and therefore cannot understand the situational context. In his report to the General Assembly, he tells of communities in Alabama and West Virginia where raw sewage is pumped out onto gardens because Government refuses to help the citizenry. See here:

69. In Alabama and West Virginia, a high proportion of the population[8] is not served by public sewerage and water supply services. Contrary to the assumption[9] in most developed countries that such services should be extended by the government systematically and eventually comprehensively to all areas, neither state was able to provide figures as to the magnitude of the challenge or details of any planned government response.

However, I know in the U.S. public health is a serious matter. Raw sewage on a statewide level not only is not allowed, it doesn’t happen. I also know not all areas are densely populated enough to affordably tie into Government-sponsored pipe systems.

Which is why septic tanks exist[10] and are still widely used for human waste in these areas. The handling of animal waste on farms is a huge topic among farmers and ever-better ways are used to handle, and monetize[11], the output.

While hinting of widespread (that is, national) lack of poo control, only two areas are cited in the Special Rapporteur’s report as experiencing this type of issue. Of course, the question is why are those two areas experiencing it? I will tell you. Because these people have been forced into the mindset that they are too stupid to solve their own problems and must wait upon their Government-mandated plantation massahs to make it all better for them. The cycle in which they live just keeps spiraling down. Are these people in Alabama and West Virginia content to live like they do? They must be or else something would have been done about it long before now.

I remember the song by Dolly Parton called “Coat of Many Colors”. Remember? Poor does not mean lazy or stupid until a systematic Socialist ideology is shoved down their throats and they are slowly, generation after generation, brainwashed to the point they finally live in a cesspool and wait for somebody else to fix it.[12]

Without looking at what really caused the problem in the first place, Mr. Alston suggests the cause of the problem is to solve it[13]; in other words, he wants to continue with the Socialist agenda. Then he discusses the alarming rise of eradicable tropical diseases without addressing two things. One: The lack of border controls hindering entry to those who carry them, and two: Exotic Vacays indulged in by the very citizens he claims are the masses living in abject poverty, but without which all airlines would be forced to make serious cutbacks.

Further, the Special Rapporteur thanked the USHRN for devoting a full day to him at their 2017 national convention. USHRN is “The U.S. Human Rights Network composed of over 200 self-identified grassroots human rights organizations and over 700 individuals working to strengthen what they regard as the protection of human rights in the United States”.[14]

As I examined the list of USHRN member organizations and individual members, mostly what I saw was more of the same P-HWPCLDRSFCs[15] we have all come to identify by their “equality for all except those we disagree with” speechifying. Mr. Alston, as his multiple degrees attest, is not a stupid man[16], therefore, that makes him a true believer who likes what he hears in the echo chamber, or he is evil and is running the echo chamber.

The Special Rapporteur’s 16-day visit to the U.S. was made in accordance with the Human Rights Council resolution 35/19, a bit of information included in the very first sentence of Mr. Alston’s report. Never mind there is no way to fully understand any country in 16 days — especially one as large and diverse as the U.S. and coming to an accurate understanding while talking to community activists and other apparatchiks looking to have money shoveled their way — so naturally I wanted to know what was in the resolution that could possibly send a Special Rapporteur on Human Rights to the U.S.

I looked up the U.N. resolution.

There, for all to see, in not one instance was the United States mentioned in resolution 35/19. Instead, the document was all about the “human rights situation in Palestine and other occupied Arab territories…Ensuring accountability and justice for all violations of international law in the Occupied Palestinian Territory, including East Jerusalem.”

So, since the U.S. is not in the Middle East, is Mr. Alston saying the U.S. is one of the “other occupied Arab territories”? If such is the case, then he should have spent more time on the topic because the U.S. would have a bigger problem than whether two small areas in two small counties have a problem managing their poo.

Mr. Alston also makes the following points: Massive quantities of U.S. citizens are living on less than $2/day and the U.S. has the highest rate of fat people in the developed world.

$2 per day? He must be including children in those numbers — and pets and forest creatures.

Highest rate of fat people in the developed world? That begs the questions: Does this mean an undeveloped country has a higher rate? And how can so many people get fat on two damn bucks a day? Does the U.S. population’s DNA somehow duplicate caloric intake? In other words, when a U.S. body eats one Twinkie, does the body see it as four?

I am not being smart-alecky. I am seriously asking because the Special Rapporteur makes the point “vast numbers of Americans” exist in “squalor and deprivation”, meaning they cannot regularly afford one Twinkie much less four.

Where did our special Special Rapporteur go to see these vast numbers?

And, if squalor and deprivation were so vast, don’t you think USHRN member organizations and individuals[17] would have pictures on their websites of this vast squalor and deprivation instead of the pictures of their dues-paid members carrying lightweight banners painted with appropriately boring messaging along clean and nicely paved streets as they shout equally boring slogans, listen to speeches at their national conventions in air-conditioned halls, and congratulate themselves with beautifully designed awards presented at swanky banquets?

According to official reports from the local government itself, Skid Row in Los Angeles has around 2500 homeless living in a well-defined 0.4 sq. mile area in the city limits, with 1270 beds available for use every night in the same 0.4 sq. mile area. But our special Special Rapporteur reported: In 2016 there were 14,000 arrests on Skid Row.

However, according to the local governments, these arrests were not only on Skid Row but across the city and into the county areas as well. Further, while some of these arrests were for repeated violations of misdemeanors, most were made to solve felony crimes and stop felons from hurting again. Our special Special Rapporteur did not mention the major crime rate has fallen or the area is getting safer.

Wouldn’t you think all these caring people in these social justice warrior organizations would feature first and foremost on and in their websites and literature the victims of Donald Trump and the evil oligarchs?

But they don’t because they can’t.[18] Instead, gullible reporters are told about their massive need to solve the problem of 14,000 women every night trying to sleep on the streets of Skid Row. But do you ever see a picture? You do not.[19]

Oh, wait. Did I just mention President Trump’s name a moment ago? I did! I did! And I did it because our very own U.N.-appointed special Special Rapporteur made a point of saying how much worse things have gotten since the “dramatic change of direction in relevant United States policies” and he meant The Great Orange One, The Neon King, The Grand But Worst Combover Ever, “The Hammer”, Donald Trump.

Look. I’m going to stop with the analysis of this report because you’ll only accuse me of beating a dead horse. Instead, let me summarize the reasons for the report:

•    The U.N. is pushing for a one-world government that, of course, they will run. 

•    The U.N. is against freedom.

•    The U.N. is a big bully.

•    The U.N. offers help[20] in the form of strangleholds to industriousness.

•    The U.N. has been bilking[21] the U.S. on behalf of terrorists around the world.

•    The U.N. has been milking[22] the U.S. cash cow[23] to pay most of their operating costs while letting other countries get far behind paying their share of those.

•    The U.N. knew Donald Trump would push back against them — and he has not disappointed.

•    And since we know the best defense is a good offense, the U.N. ordered their Special Rapporteur to destroy the reputation of the U.S. and all her good and honest citizens who make a difference in the communities where they stand. In other words, the U.N. hates those who actually gitterdun[24].

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This is an excerpt from the the author’s book “Conversations In Hyperreality and other conversations Umberto Eco and Dave Barry never had”. This entire book will help deprogram readers who wish to be able to once again identify and stand up as regular, normal, and non-politically-correct-whipped. Footnotes referenced in the article will be found at the end and Yes, these are very, very, very, very important…I mean, funny. [Try not to bust a gut.] All facts were accurate at time of publication but the author recognizes that Skid Row now takes up almost the whole of Los Angeles and San Francisco and since the time of this writing the governor of that state has turned full-blown openly communist, soooo…

 

[1] Mark Twain and Will Rogers have called me this…well, they would have if they had known me in real life.

[2] The report’s full title.

[3] British spellings are kept as they occurred in the report.

 

[4] For a reminder of what “signaling” the author speaks of, read the essay  in this book entitled “The Most Brilliant Woman In The World nailed it a long time ago”.

[5] The grammar check program insists the author use “learned person”, but the author ignores such PC twaddle.

[6] Contrary to popular opinion and what the reader may believe to be so, this author is not political. Mention of President Donald Trump in a flattering light does not mean she approves of everything he does; therefore the author asks that you please hold your scathing denouncements of her for something that actually matters, like…how she uses commas.

 

[7] The nickname Mr. Trump’s first wife gave him.

[8] From what the author could ascertain, this included only two counties.

[9] It is not made clear whose assumption this is.

 

[10] The market for sewage-pumping services is so robust in the U.S. that this industry can afford to regularly advertise on TV, billboards, radio, and even the Internet, and they have spiffy trucks.

[11] Selling sh!t: A completely Capitalist notion.

[12] That this is not a huge problem in the U.S. and the Special Rapporteur’s report could only find two instances in the whole of the U.S. should be good news for the reader: Most people are gitterdun kind of folks who believe in fixing a problem and not waiting for Gubment.

[13] The author admits this is a confusing thought, but it is the way Socialists do things. Do not blame her.

 

[14] This is taken word for word from their website.

[15] Pussy-Hat Wearing Politically Correct Liberal Democratic RINO Socialist Fascist Commies.

[16] Though the case has been made in another essay that degrees from institutions of higher learning do not necessarily imply intelligence or understanding.

 

[17] Media commentators and other pundits often call these people “Civil Rights Whores”. The author prefers to call them Civil Rights Gigolos.

[18] That’s right. They cannot. Do you remember Hillary Clinton’s use of a woman with Munchausen’s syndrome by proxy to make the case for nationalized health care? Even Hillary, the smartest woman in the room when the author is not there, could not find more than one person to make her case and that woman was the one making her daughter ill.

[19] The author once saw a photo shoot where a somewhat handsome and healthy older guy with a grey beard and a head of matching hair was being made up by a special effects makeup artist and costumer to look dirty and ragged and sick. His beard and hair were teased out to look like they were rats’ nests. “Dirt” was painted on and smeared just so. She stopped to watch and asked the photographer what was going on.

He said a corporate client hired him for the gig, but he didn’t say who or for what. Imagine her surprise a few months later when she went into a popular fast-food outlet only to have posters with that guy’s face all over it accompanied by pleas to give money to help the homeless. They should have asked the Special Rapporteur for guidance on where to find an authentic dirty, ragged, sick, homeless person. Oh, wait. Never mind. Our special Special Rapporteur couldn’t have found one either.

 

[20] Yes, the author is being facetious.

[21] This is the damn truth.

[22] The U.S. is paying the world’s bills and you’re wondering why you can’t get ahead.

[23] The grammar check program insists the author swap out “source of income” for “cash cow”, but the author says, “Where’s the fun in that?”

[24] “Gitterdun” is slang for “get it done”.

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Born and raised in Georgia, Angela K. Durden is an author, publisher, editor, songwriter, performer, and more, living in the Metro Atlanta, Georgia, area. Support your Citizen Journalist by visiting her Consolidated Author Page and buying a book or three.  See more about Angela here and you will want to because she is a Magnificently Methodical Southern Woman and The Most Brilliant Woman in the World. Hey, want to watch a fun video? Click here.