How to Reason With a Liberal.

A news outlet headline popped up on the Facebook feed with a picture of Kamala Harris taking the oath of office. The story went on, endearingly warm and fuzzy, about history in the making. You know, first woman VP and one of dual colors, too!

My single, short comment was: “Who cares? It isn’t color of skin that determines quality of character.” And that is when a Liberal I Know In Real Life, Name Redacted, piped up immediately with this:

Jesus, Angela, your comment is tone deaf and out-of-touch af.

“Sorry, black and Asian girls. You aren’t allowed to celebrate breaking down a historical barrier because a white woman in Georgia thinks it’s insignificant.”

Is it OK with you that we celebrated MLK earlier this week? After all, “it isn’t color of skin that determines quality of character,” and your shortsightedness only allows you to see these things that way rather than in historical context.

I’ve known this man for a few years. This is not the first time he’s said something to me in this vein, though this is the most in my face he’s ever gotten. Usually he’s replying to something I wrote on my wall, and so he minds his P&Qs. As I tell everybody: My Wall. My Rules. But this time, my comment being made in a public forum, he let fly.

Each time I reply to him I think, “Well, he’ll be unfriending me in the morning.” But he hasn’t yet. Not after four years. Which makes me think that maybe there is hope for him yet. He’s in his late thirties, married, no children, and is in advertising/marketing with his own company. He is very much enlightened and often horrified at my opinions.

So, I started working on a list of hints and tips on How to Reason With a Liberal. In the name of Hope and Healing, here’s what I’ve come up with.

First: Rein in the snark.

I can get quite snarky when my back’s up against it. And getting snarky really does feel good and can be entertaining and who doesn’t like those life-affirming emojis with thumbs-up and LOLing with tears of laughter streaming, right? But is snark always best? Through trial and error I have found it is not.

Second: Ask what the purpose of a reply is.

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never harm me” is not a true statement across the board. In the fight for the hearts and minds of the duped, the method of engagement is very important. What do we want to do and why? Destroy any semblance of communication or build a ideological bridge they can walk over with heads held high? Do we even know why we believe what we do? When is the last time we’ve questioned it or tried to defend it logically? Nothing wrong with playing Devil’s advocate with our own arguments then refining and using them to attempt to open minds.

Third: Study What They Are Really Saying.

Let’s take the comment of my friend above and break it down. My comment to him will follow the breakdown (shown in bold).

Jesus, Angela, your comment is tone deaf and out-of-touch af. Obviously, this was meant as an insult. After a moment of seeing red, though, I did not take the bait. “Sticks and stones” is true in this case and attempting to defend myself over his obviously silly comment would prove to be a waste of my time.

“Sorry, black and Asian girls. You aren’t allowed to celebrate breaking down a historical barrier because a white woman in Georgia thinks it’s insignificant.” Here my friend (white like me) was putting words in my mouth, what he thought I was saying. And by including the phrase “a white woman in Georgia” he was playing up three stereotypes: Female Redneck loaded with White Privilege. This return-flame bait was also ignored.

Is it OK with you that we celebrated MLK earlier this week? After all, “it isn’t color of skin that determines quality of character,” and your shortsightedness only allows you to see these things that way rather than in historical context. He mentions the celebration of Martin Luther King Jr., and I thought “Aha! Maybe he remembers what MLK was all about”. But his next sentence blew that hope out of the water when he called as shortsighted my seeing quality of character.

What did I learn upon studying this young man’s words? That he had absolutely no idea of history or what historical context truly was. With limited information, he was ignorant. But is he willing to remain so? And that’s why the next Hint & Tip is so important.

Fourth: Formulate a reply.

Come at a reply with the knowledge that they are correct given the limited information they have. That is, they are ignorant of the full facts. So, our job is to help them add to their knowledge in easily digestible increments.

I often copy and paste comments into a Word document, fine-tune a reply there, then copy and paste it as a reply to them on the social media portal. Sounds like a lot of work, but when I remind myself of the Second Hint & Tip above: What is the purpose of the reply?, it doesn’t seem like work any longer.

Here’s what I replied to my friend.

It was short and clear. Did not insult him or intentionally inflame. Checked my spelling and punctuation. (Okay, I did that because I’m just anal retentive that way.) And invited him to see for himself what historical context really was and how far back it went yet still reverberates today.

Martin Luther King, Jr., himself said he looked forward to a time when it was the character not the skin color that one was judged on. I know you are much younger than me, but I remember this speech, even though I was a child, and I took it to heart. So, if I’m tone deaf, then so is MLK…and I don’t think he was.

Here’s a link to his whole speech. https://www.americanrhetoric.com/speeches/mlkihaveadream.htm

I hope you enjoy it because I did, have, and will again. Further, just so you know, I am not against anyone celebrating. I simply do not like or trust that woman…and am not alone. I’m judging [Kamala Harris] on the quality of her character. Others are free to do as they will. I’m not stopping them.

This time I thought for sure Name Redacted would unfriend me.

Again, he did not. And this gives me hope. Hope that he is thinking deeper than ever before. Hope that he stops listening to the voices that tear apart and separate citizens into warring camps.

Hope that when he next wants to reply he’ll review the basis for his own arguments before he posts instead of spouting bombastic drivel like a stupid, blind dupe.

Maybe he will. Maybe he won’t. But I’ve done my job by giving him that opportunity to grow. Besides, maybe some of the other thousands on that social media portal might read our exchange and learn something, too.

And that’s all good.

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Born and raised in Georgia, Angela K. Durden is an author, publisher, editor, songwriter, performer, and more, living in the Metro Atlanta, Georgia, area. Support your Citizen Journalist and visit her Consolidated Author Page and buy a book. See more about Angela here. Want to watch a fun video about why Dems and Libs are scared of the Deplorables? Click the button.